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Soi Meme. Me, by me.

People say I’m lawyer. Others claim that I am concerned about the environment. There is little evidence to support either assertion particularly since I smoke (gotta quit), drink and eat meat. All attempts to get me to stop any of these nefarious activities have floundered on the treacherous shoals of my withering contempt.

People routinely ask me to design email newsletters, advise on computers, software and techgear. Of course, nobody wants to pay me for this so instead I make up these useless websites.

Plus, I really like vodka.

And mangoes.

In times of crisis, I like to be somewhere else.

I love my fifty two fountain pens, nine thousand books (none of which I have read), two computers, three dogs, two daughters, one wife, two parents and (since she insists), my sister, her two sons (i.e., my nephews; these complicated Indian relationships), my dozen cousins, their spouses, their children, their to-be-born children, my mother-in-law (believe it or not), her 10 million relatives, my wife’s sister and cousins and their spouses and children and grandchildren, all my friends and colleagues, my staff at home and work and the chocolate rum and praline ice-cream at the Willingdon Club.

I am known for my fortitude. My mother-in-law lives with us.

People say I write great obituaries. It’s actually easy, because the other guy’s, um, like dead, see? Moved by my epic obits, friends (?) have suggested that I write. They say I have the itch. They may be right, but I just haven’t found the write scratcher.

And it all happens in Bombay, Mumbai, Bam Bahiya, the city I live in, and one I’ve come to detest and love in equal parts.

In Mumbai, and out of my mind.

Contact

I love ham.

But I really, really hate spam. I have lots and lots of anti-spam thingummies. So spammers, eff off.

I also don’t respond to unsolicited mail, so please don’t me @ gautampatel [AT] gmail dot com.